A maternity ward for cannibals...

At the birthing room of the hositpal:

RN: "Then after you have the baby, we eat you...uh, we let you eat."

I'm starting to see a theme in this store..

At a Barnes and Noble Book store, a woman turns the corner from one aisle into the next.

WOMAN (surprised): "Oh, there's more books over here!"

I Hope That's Not A Sales Call...

Boss: (on the phone): "Oh, you know...that picture after I just ripped my dress off and we were looking at each other laughing?"

Racist Sweet Tooth

Man looking at gourmet chocolate: "I don't want any. Those aren't white chocolate, they're just sub-white."

Magical Powers of Corporate America

At the office:

ATTORNEY (to her bewildered admin): "I just wish you'd listen to me instead of trying to be psychic!"

Apocalypse Now

Overheard in a high school classroom after a presentation on nuclear proliferation...

Student A: "So, if we had a nuclear war, we would have nuclear winter and we'd all die?"

Presenter: "Yeah. If Russia and the U.S. had gone to war, we all could have died. It would take 400 nuclear explosions to produce enough debris to block out the sun."

Student B: "So, how many nuclear winters have we had?"

Presenter: Dumbfounded silence at stupidity of classmate. "Ummm....none...."

-Liz(ard)

Subject: Friday Night Hockey

An e-mail sent between two employees (Names changed to protect the idiots):

From:dumbo@dumb.com
01/04/2006 12:30 PM
To: ted@dumb.com
Subject: Re: Friday Night Hockey


Is this Saturday?

----------------------------------------
Original Message:

From: ted@dumb.com
01/04/2006 12:30 PM
To: dumbo@dumb.com
Subject: Friday Night Hockey


This weekend the Thrashers play against the Penguins. I have center ice on my digital cable package so I am going to watch the game.

Maybe you might come too.

The game starts at 7:00.

Ted

Food Network...HELLLPPPP!

In Produce department of Price Chopper SuperMarket:

Stupid 12 Year Old Girl: "Mom, is that basil or garlic?"

Mom: "It's garlic, I think I know what garlic looks like."

What'd you call me??

Game Show Host: "Well, weather they call you Chicken or Gay, let's go to the next question."

It's good they are reminding us...

Headline in a newsletter at our company:

Don't Forget: Memory Seminar Scheduled for January 12